Honey Boo Boo Review

This has got to be one of the most shocking reality shows I've witnessed.  TLC, you've outdone yourselves.  But I really think that the show should be named "Here Comes Mama Bear"  because we all know she's the star.....

So from the mouths of the reality stars themselves, I give you the highlights of this weeks show.....

Mama Bear quotes:

"Pageants are not a cheap sport."

"Doesn't take a rocket scientist to coupon"

"When the apocalypse hits at the end of the year, I could sell that roll of toilet paper we got for free for freakin' $500!"-mama

"What's the apocalypse?"- chubbs

"When the zombies attack!" -mama

"I wouldn't say I let myself go, I just look good when I wanna look good"  (insert cackle and air kiss)

"I ain't no barbie doll.  But I ain't the ugliest person in the world.  Trust me.  I have seen some jacked up people!"

"As you can tell, I got some of my vajiggle jaggle cleaned up."

Honey Boo Boo quotes:

 I hope mama don't eat glitzy.  She eats everything else" (glitzy is her pet miniature pig)

"Elvis is Santa Claus' helper.  He helps Santa make toys.  I know this cause my daddy told me."

"Mama got fork lift feet!"  

"I love smages"  (massages)

Under Paid Salon Worker, who wishes she'd called in sick quote:  
(yes- they went to a salon.  Poor salon workers!)

"When the family first came in, it was very, very overwhelming.  And their personalities, big, very big!"

"I have not heard of a "fork lift foot" before.  That was a first."

"It was a good experience.  Well.... it was an experience.  I think I need to go home now."  -salon worker.  

Poor, poor salon worker.

Sugar bear gets no respect:

Sugar bear (Honey Boo Boo's dad) bought mama a bronze statue of a deer for their 8 yr anniversary.  Mama wasn't thrilled but he said it reminded them of all the road kill that they've collected, cleaned and bbq'd  on the weekends.  Then he lovingly pets the bronze deer.  Hmm.  I'll let you figure that one out.

Lessons I've learned watching this show:

-I'm paying too much for toilet paper.

-Apparantly Elvis was shorter than we thought.

-The bible forgot to mention zombies when it talks about the apocalypse.

-Maybe I should show my 10 yr old what salon workers REALLY do before she decides to go to beauty school.

-I'm never EVER complaining about my dinner & movie date nights or anniversary gifts.  Because, it's not a buffet dinner and a bronze deer replica of road kill.  (Cue the romance.)

Honey boo boo review

Did you see TLC's "Here comes Honey Boo Boo"?  Um, it was mouth dropping horrific and I could't take my eyes off the subtitles the entire time.   (subtitles are necessary for that redneck accent!)  I'm going to just give you a play by play of the entire 1 hour, 2 show premier.  I was going to have my 10 yr old daughter help with commentary but this show is so inappropriate I couldn't have her watch after the preview!  So think of this post as watching with directors commentary on.

-So the family consists of  Mama, Sugar Bear (dad), Honey boo boo Child (Alana age 5), Punkin/Chickadee (Anna 17), and  Chubbette or Chubbs (15).  Chubbs isn't a fan of her name and you can't blame her.

-Mmm..... cheese balls for breakfast? Sure Honey boo boo!

-"I ain't the most beautimous out of the box" says Mama.  Oh Mama, now why would you say something like that?

-Let me eat my cereal while you wash your hair in the sink.  Because, apparently baths are just gross.

-Redneck games definition: "It's like the Olympics for Rednecks, but with a lot of missing teeth and a lot of (bum) cracks showing" -Mama

-Ooooh,  ooooh,  me, me, me!  I wanna bob for raw pigs feet with my mouth!  Mama lets Chubbs do that event but won't let her get into the swimming pond for fear of germs.  She's got standards ya know....

-"You shouldn't walk around with your vajiggle jaggily hanging out.  It's like her body is eating her bikini!" -Mama

-Weight loss tip:  Apparently passing gas 15-20 times a day is healthy and will help you lose weight.  (Thanks Mama, I will make sure to try that!)

-Honey Boo Boo lost at the natural beauty pageant so naturally they bought her a teacup pig.  Naturally!  Properly named him Glitzy.

-Honey Boo Boo's stomach becomes quite the narrator.

-Lets get a close up of Mama scratchin' her bugs, blowing her nose and sneezing multiple times per episode and would someone get that family some Beano!

-Poor etiquette instructor.  She looks as horrified as every American watching this show.  She sadly has to explain that passing gas and burping at the table are never ok.  The girls just look confused.....

-After the first unsuccessful etiquette class Honey Boo Boo says "anything classy is from stupid people."

-Mama says "No one can be proper and etiquettly all the time."  Etiquettly.  My new favorite non-word.

-Awe, this should be their next Christmas Card.  Some real cuties here.....

-The 17yr old pregnant Chickadee is the only one that seems classy.  Wow, did I just type that?

-I'm never eating biscuits again.

So there ya go.  If you watched the show, you can share my horror.   I strangely feel like eating some vegetables and showering after that.  It's just wrong on so many levels.  But don't you worry, I'll be watching next week....