Can I get paid for being a nosey know it not?

You may not know this about me, but along with my love of someday winning Publisher's, (I'm on a first name basis with them) and my love of Judge Judy, I also would love to be a Dear Abby writer.  (Of course it would have to be called Dear Annie)  Giving out advice that's ACTUALLY solicited?  And get paid?  Wow!  I've been doing it wrong all these years!  So I'm going to pretend that these letters addressed to the actual Dear Abby are really for me, and give it my spin. Maybe after I accomplish this goal, Publishers Clearing House will be waiting with a big fat check-y?

DEAR ABBY: (she obviously meant) Dear Annie:  I am a 31-year-old wife and mother. My husband, "Jake," works 40-plus hours a week, while I am a stay-at-home mom. My daughter, who is almost 3, keeps me on my toes.

In the evenings and on weekends, Jake does yard work or works in the garden. I hate it because I'm with our daughter all day, every day, and he expects me to watch her while he's outside working.

I dislike yard and garden work and don't like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health/physical issues that keep me from being as active as I would like. Every weekend I feel my resentment and anger growing over this issue.

Jake says it is necessary for us to have a garden, and I agree. But why must I have all the responsibility of caring for our daughter even on weekends? I'd like it if Jake would stay in with us and give up on some of the outside activities. This is something we argue about at least once a week. What do you suggest? -- SECOND TO A SHRUB IN OREGON

Dear Second to a Shrub,

You have written the right woman!  While some might think that this was a petty argument, I do not.  As I may or may not have had these arguments as well.  Except, I don't work in the yard or hang out in it due to ENORMOUS Texas spiders and fire ants.  And don't get me started on the 900 degree weather or my husband's 80 to 100 hours of work a week.....  (This letter was really about me right?)  Anyway, you're exhausted.  I get it.  Your vital role as a mother is a bit mundane.  You need to switch things up a bit.  Maybe come to an agreement on the hours he works on the yard.  During nap time maybe?  Earlier in the morning before the baby wakes up?  The fact is, he probably enjoys gardening and you do not.  You need a break.  Take one.  Ask for some time off.   And not just on the weekends.  After all, full time employees get an hour for lunch and a half hour in breaks a day.  Are you giving yourself that?  If you get a chance to go do something for yourself maybe you won't feel resentful.  

DEAR ABBY: Dear Annie:  I'm really bad when it comes to speaking. It's hard for me to squeak out the few words I can. I am shy and not very sociable, so when I'm with people, even my two friends, I feel like I come across as rude. I never have the right things to say. When I'm with my family, I don't usually have this problem.

In public, it seems like everyone else is so much more interesting than I am. Making conversation is a lot of trouble. I know this sounds silly, but do you know if there is anything that can be done about it? I heard you had a booklet about being more social. Is it still published? If so, how can I get one? -- VICTORIA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

Dear Soft Spoken Victoria,
Hmm, I gotta say I don't relate to this problem.  I kind of have the opposite problem.  I don't have a book published on this, but I'm so gonna get on it!  You are way over thinking this.  I'm telling ya, it's better to be oblivious.  Assume everyone loves you.  Assume that they're dying to hear what you have to say.  They are hanging on every word.  They showed up to the party just hoping that you'd be there.  The truth is, once you realize that not everyone is going to love ya, (because lets be honest, do you love everyone?) does it really matter?  No one is perfect.  If your current social group doesn't find you to be as hilarious as your family does, then find new friends.  Life is too short to waste it on trying to impress others.  And as far as feeling rude for not speaking, smile more!  No one will find you rude if you're smiling and listening!  In fact, that's my best crowd.

DEAR ABBY: Again, you meant Dear Annie:  I have this little boy I tutor. He is 7 and says he loves me. I'm 18. I try to tell him I'm way too old and he isn't my type, but all he says is, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Help! I need to know what to do. -- ALEX IN NEW JERSEY

Dear Alex in Jersey:  This kid sounds like he stepped right off of a "Jersey Shore" episode!  I'm imagining him wearing a velour sweat suit, lots of gold chains and overly tanned.  (I should probably meet some more New Jersey natives because I imagine them all to be a mix between a rapper in a music video, big hair with way too much product in it that they shouldn't get too close to open flames, overly accessorized and sleeping every night in a tanning bed.)  Anyway, chalk this up to a compliment and don't get so weirded out.  That's the sheer awesomeness of kids.  You're an immediate rock star in their eyes if you show any interest in their well being!  Since he's big on numbers- simply tell him when his I.D has a 1 and an 8 in the age section you'd be happy to discuss extra curriculum activities.....

You're welcome people.  You got all this advice from an obvious pro for free.  It's your lucky day.  Any other questions you got for Dear Annie and want them to be blogged- please send them to Andrea@annielane.net.  I expect my email box to be full by noon!  (insert sarcasm)

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo: Review

I would like to say "You are very welcome."  I know my weekly breakdown of TLC's new train wreck of a show is personally changing your life.  I do the unthinkable, watching this horrific family, and save you from killing your own brain cells.  You are welcome my blog friends.  I am saving you from upchucking your last meal or showering for the second time today.  Both things I have done after every episode of Honey Boo Boo.  My review is basically saving the world, this I know......

So here's this week's breakdown titled Sketti:

Opening scene:  (Make sure children are out of the room or they'll get an anatomy lesson you won't ever forget! P.S. Children should never watch this show)  With their pregnant sister's contractions and mama bears description of what's going on, the anatomy lesson ends with pregnant sister peeing on the couch and refusing to change clothes.  Apparently, she can magically pee on a couch and not get it on herself.  (At this time I get up and wash my hands because really, someone needs to!)

The convenience store workers find the family to be their sole source of entertainment with their daily trips. They're pretty sure the store would close without their business. They claim that Punkin rocks the "Bam Bam" look.  And in case you didn't know what that look was- it's the no shoes in public and un-combed hair.  And of course a filthy shirt.  I have yet to see her in a clean shirt.  Lets just say she likes to save some food for later and keeps it handy....

"Guess Who's Breath?" Game.  Doesn't your family wear blind folds and take turns smelling each others breath?  Really?  You don't?  That's so odd.  Because I've always wanted to determine who's breath smells like dead fish or who smells like they've never met a tooth brush?  I'm pretty sure that family doesn't believe in regular brushing.  And floss?  Never! (Punkin- who is becoming my favorite because she's just so dang honest, admits she only brushes her teeth for special occasions.  I wonder what a special occasion would be for this family?  Belly flops in the mud pit?  Dumpster Diving maybe?)  Doesn't this breathalyzer game sound like a family reunion tradition in the making or what?

Lemonade Stand Honey Boo Boo style:  2 quarts lemon juice.  5lbs sugar.  No kidding.  I'm pretty sure you chew the lemonade with all that sugar.  It's their own family's diabetic coma recipe.  Oh, and make sure you DON'T wash your hands.  Oh, and because you're serving this to the public, you've got to lick the pitcher and the mixing spoon and stick it back in.  Mmmm, mmm, good.  (As an open germaphobe, I have to shower just watching this show.  There are at least 25 cleanliness violations in this 30 min show)

Favorite quote:  "It's been awhile since I've had road kill in my belly."  -A sad bellied Honey Boo Boo

And I'm sure people will be pinning this Secret Sketti Recipe:

Ingredients:  -A whole carton of "I can't believe it's not butter"
                    -A little bit of ketchup
                    -Melt it in the microwave
                    -Cooked spaghetti "sketti" noodles

"Table manners aren't important cuz we don't even eat at the table"-Honey Boo Boo Child

She pretty much just summed up the whole show.....

And again, you're welcome.  I'm off to shower.

Honey Boo Boo Review

It's pretty funny that of all my blog posts, my Honey Boo Boo reviews double the amount of hits that a regular post gets.  Not that I'm counting....  Apparantly we can't help ourselves from watching and hearing about this hot mess of a train wreck.  Here's the highlights from this week's episode.

-"Sshhh.  It's a Wig."  That's the name of the wig store.  Now most people look at that name and think, couldn't you have come up with something catchier?  But have Honey Boo Boo say it 15 times in the first 5 minutes of the show and suddenly it's sounds clever.  Aw man, I think I'm getting dumber just watching this show!

-Sugar bear (that's the dad) thinks mama looks "smexy" in a wig.  And then proceeds to say something that immediately makes me run for a waste basket to puke in.  Mama in a wig.  Sugar bear in a wig.  The word smexy.  The combination makes my stomach turn....  And then sugar bear comes home with a full blown mullet wig.  There's no keeping down my dinner tonight.

-New nickname for Sugar Bear.  "Shugie."

-New favorite mama bear quote;  "Bein' voluptuous, heat and me don't mix with my body.  It don't mix with my digestive system very well. 'Cause that's why I don't eat."  (insert her hiccuping & add a burp)

-Sugar Bear/Shugie sets up an above ground pool while the girls all complain.  That sounds about right- I may or may not have some similarities in my own family.  Oh No!  We're similar?  The thought makes me shiver....

-Honey Boo Boo goes to a restaurant with the family and orders meat with a side of meat and then another side of meat.  She can't understand why her whole meal can't just be fried meat......

-Shugie corrects Honey Boo Boo and says "we're not fat.  We're pleasingly plump."  I think that's supposed to be Pleasantly Plump Sugar Bear.  Let's just say that table manners escaped them the rest of the night.

-My favorite part of the show is watching store & restaraunt workers stare at this family.  I realize, "oh good, they think they're crazy too.  Phew.  The world is still ok."

-I love Mama's interview on a sofa in the front yard.  Now you're just trying to be predictable Mama!

-The local department store is a dumpster.  Um, you read that right.  Dumpster.  Mama Bear adds,  "And you can always find a good deal.  Like one time we got a surround sound system and the only thing missing was the speaker."  Say what?

-"They should have a Dumpster Diva Pageant because I would win." -Honey Boo Boo (Can't wait for that new series!)

-Red neck air conditioning=  Wet towel on head.

This show never ceases to amaze, disgust, enlighten & offend me.  Well done TLC, well done.

 

baby got NO back....

I have wanted new bar stools for. ev. er!  We have had our current bar stools for 14 years now.  One of our first purchases when we got married.  The problem with these chairs is that they're light weight and when kids sit on them, they tend to fall.   The back of the stools actually make the chair off balance and I'm always afraid the kids are going to snap one of their legs in half when it falls.  I'm still shocked we've never had an e.r. trip with how many falls these chairs have taken.  And I've probably used over 7 bottles of super glue in the past few years just trying to keep these chairs together. (not to mention, duct tape and band aids)  I've been googling over some bar stools from World Market.  And this weekend they went on sale.  $10 off.  Not a steal by any means, but they're very well built and if they last another 14 years I'm pretty sure I'll get my money's worth.




Good bye old bar stools.  You've been in every apartment and home we've ever lived in.  (Am I seriously getting sentimental about bar stools right now?)


Hello my little industrial.  Heavy duty.  Adjustable.  Spin-able beauties.....






Don't ya just wanna buy them a drink?  (non- alcoholic of course)



We've already had our first fall on them.  But the chair stayed put.  Never left the ground.  Cause baby got (no) back.   That song is gonna be in your head now, huh?  You're welcome....

And on another note.  My baby just went to his first day of preschool.  I've never sent a child to formal preschool and certainly never for 5 hours!  But this kid wants it.  At least I think so.  Here is his expression when dropping him off.....
 
I won't show you my expression.  But just imagine a total stranger holding me as we both cried together.  Seriously.  Don't even know her name or if she even had a preschooler.  She just saw my expression and she started to cry which made me cry more which made her cry more and well, you get it.  Pathetic.