Sisters with Flair

Friday, February 24, 2012

Are you mint M and M worthy?

This is the letter I will be mailing the Mars company after I mauled a woman with my shopping cart to reach the last bag of Mint M&M's at Target today. I'm hoping they pay my lawyers fees after I practically put a woman in the hospital to get that last bag of minty perfection! Anyone else out there feel that M&M's seasonal bags are just plain teases?

Dear M&M Company,

As I tuck my children into bed tonight I watch their quivering lips, hungry for chocolatey minty goodness that will never be. I have to sadly tell them that I cannot share my last bag of mint M&M’s because I’m hoarding it to myself. My children will never know the taste of a perfect combination of chocolate to mint ratio. How sad it is that they grow up in a world where mint M&M’s are only seasonal. They come only for a few short weeks to tease us…. and then they’re gone like a perfect dream. Was it even real? Were they REALLY that good? But I cannot, WILL NOT, forget that refreshing taste as it entered my mouth, causing me to tune out the children fighting in the back seat. I can no longer smell the sour bottle of milk that tipped over and is now where to be found between the car seats, because I am savoring the taste of perfection. Mint M&M’s is my sanity as a stay at home mom of 3 and you have taken that away…..

As a mint M&M connoisseur, I like to sweep in and save other mother’s from their chocolate withdrawls, dropping off a bag of your addicting sugar to numb them from the sleep deprivation and crying torture they’ve surely endured. But sadly, some friends have realized they are NOT “mint M&M worthy” because of mint shortages, and the friendship becomes unrepairable. Oh stop this madness I beg of you!

I have hit a new low as I am asked by grocery employees if “it was really worth it?” to ram another shopper with my cart to reach that last bag of mint M&M’s? “Yes! Yes it was!” WWF wrestling aint got nothin’ on this desperate mama! But I feel no shame. I feel victorious! I will likely send the woman I mauled a "get-well bag of your plain M&M’s in the hospital as she recovers from her hip replacement that I may, or may not, have caused.

This is the world we live in now. You have created this with your mint- teasing, chocolate expert ways. This must end, before someone else gets hurt!

Sincerely,
a desperate mint loving, M&M hoarding, shopping-cart-drag-racing addict

Lets get a petition together: we need more mint M&M's!!!

2 comments:

  1. I will sign that petition!!! Seriously, m&ms, are you *trying* to kill us all?

    ReplyDelete