1.5 hours with the bug guy

I've always said that the Pest Control Man is my best friend.  He is on my Christmas Card list even.  I live in Texas.  Next to big big hair and high heels with sweats, you need your bug guy to save you from GIANT spiders and fire-ant hills the size of an inner tube.  Kid you not!  Well I've never had a complaint about using this company until tonight.  I got a newbie.  And while I won't bore you with the actual 90 minutes of agonizing conversation, I'll sum it up briefly and you can take pity on me....

1)  Complete medical history for the last 5 years and a description of allergies and reactions.  (I immediately regretted offering the coke, I thought I was being polite.  Won't make that mistake again!)

2)  His experience with getting sucked into a  Time Share and he now has to hire a lawyer and pay an additional $3K to get out of it.  If you want the lawyers phone number, he gave it to me.  (ummm, thanks?)

3)  He was bugged because the cute little bunny in my yard escaped him and he really wanted it for dinner tonight.  I laughed of course, uncomfortably.  Um, yeah.  No joke.  He began to describe how to gut a rabbit.  (I became a vegetarian tonight)

4)  He kept telling me how the dinner I was making "sure smelled good" and he would "love some".  (Super awkward)

5)  He kept asking about photos, where we took them, who took them.  (Do I have a stalker now?)

6)  He told me 7 different times to remember his name and make sure to only request him from now on.  (Oh, I'll remember your name, but not for that reason)

7)  He added up the amount of computers in our house and then told me how he was really hoping to find someone to give him one for free.  The conversation lasted 10 minutes.  (Really dude?  I'm not giving you a computer)  I tell him we use them all, for work.  His response? "Yeah, that's what they all say."  (Oh, apparently you use this tactic on everyone.  Good to know I'm not special.)

8)  He asked who the radiologist was in the family?  (What?  How?  Why?  I don't understand.  I just want him to go away now)

9) He charges me an additional $55 for I don't know what.  I've never had this happen in 6 years with this company.  I'm too exhausted to ask what this is for & quite honestly I'd pay $100 more just to get him to leave.

10)  Still not leaving.  He begins to tell me about daily diet regimen.  (Imagine taking diet advice from Sugar Bear on TLC's Honey Boo Boo)

11)  He's in my entry way but still talking about my dinner and how good it smells and now looking again at my computer equipment in my office.  He begins to tell me how sad it is that he can't download anymore iTunes music on his computer because his computer won't work.  He currently has 800 songs on it.  (Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?  Because I just feel sorry for me right now.)

12)  His sob story works because I hand him $7 as a tip and literally shut the door on his face and wave and smile as I lock the door.  (I'm pretty sure he'll be back to rob me later.....maybe his name will come in handy for the police report.)

13)  I then look for some air spray cause it smells like a locker room after he leaves and my dinner is now burned.

14)  Maybe yesterday's post jinxed me.....  Not feeling so lucky anymore.

15)  I may have to make nice with some insects from now on.  Bug man, you're off my Christmas card list!